Character is as important today as it has ever been. The same things that make American culture the wonder of the world – freedom, wealth, luxury, opportunity, diversity, tolerance, abundance – can tempt teens to be impulsive, aimless, focused on immediate gratification, greedy and entitled. Character is, and always has been, the antidote to these dead end life choices. Character is derived from timeless, universal values. It is the formal identification of what represents your best self. It is based on the underlying principle that there is a right and a wrong, a good and a bad. It is the internal compass to guide decision making and action. In this sense, Character helps kids stay out of trouble. It is a crucial factor in strong social ties and intimate relationships. People base relationships on trust; trust that the others will keep their word and remain constant; Character. A stable sense of self-worth arises from the comparison of actions against a set of standards for what is good, right or admirable; Character. Resisting the desire for immediate pleasure (and the devastation this will wreak across time) requires a way to be accountable (and hold others accountable) to things that matter in the long run; Character. When you want to run away, when the task seems too hard, when you want to just sit down and quit, something is needed that helps you keep going to reach the other side of suffering and pain; Character. Bouncing from one interest to another, one relationship to another, one immediate gratification to another leads to failure and an emptiness of the soul. So, most importantly, your kid will need an internal guide to a life worth living; Character.
In the broadest sense, Character is represented by the old-fashioned concept of Integrity (i.e., the degree to which one’s actions are guided by values and morals). How can you tell if you have a kid with integrity? Here are some of the signs:
[list style=”circle”]- Principled person
- Actions guided by a personal set of values
- Doesn’t compromise principles for immediate gain
- Holds themselves to a high standard
- Dependable
- Keeps their word
- Identifies wrong behavior and describes why it was wrong
- Rarely needs admonitions or reminders as to what is right or wrong
- Knows the right way to act and does it even when pressured by others not to
- Knows how to turn a wrong action into a right one
- Resists peer pressure to violate personal values
What kid can live up that that? It turns out there are quite a few. Seventy-six percent of teens believe there are absolute values of right and wrong (Pew Research http://pewresearch.org/millennials/) and 97 percent think it is important to be a person of good character (Josephson Institute http://charactercounts.org/programs/reportcard/index.html). Eighty-nine percent of teens think it is more important to be a person of good character than to be rich, and 84 percent agree that it’s not worth it to lie or cheat because it hurts your character (Josephson Institute). Fifty-seven percent of teens frequently volunteer to help others or perform charity work, and 78 percent say they have never mistreated someone merely because they belonged to a different group (Josephson Institute). The highest-rated priorities for teens are being a good parent (52 percent), having a successful marriage (30 percent ), and helping others in need (21 percent) (Pew Research).
But, unfortunately, teenagers are bombarded by messages that morals have no relevance for a sophisticated, modern teen. The media (e.g., social media, music, entertainment, movies, television), and the marketers that drive it, is increasingly value neutral or negative with an if-it-feels-good-do-it emphasis. To become a person of Character, teens require guidance, dedication and encouragement. That’s where you come in. They will need your help identifying a set of guiding principles of their life (i.e., morals, ethics, values, etc.). They will need your help recognizing when and how to put them into action. They will need your help holding to these values when personal desires or the pressure from others to compromise threatens to pull them off track.
This series of columns will focus on what parents can do to foster the development of Character in their teenager. In the next column, important general parenting techniques for fostering Character development in your kid will be reviewed. Then, columns will be devoted to identifying specific strategies that can help foster the development of 7 Character-istics: Compassion, Courage, Generosity Honesty, Honor, Kindness and Responsibility.
So, come on back next week for a review of general parenting techniques that foster character development in teens.
