Well, school is now in full swing and soon the first progress report will be making its way to emails near you. For some, this means being faced with setting (or revising) some expectations about grades and studying. Hopefully, you have one of those conscientious kids who love schoolwork and see grades as a challenge to be mastered. In that case, “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.” For everyone else, there will likely be a need to tweak the system. Because you want your kid to assume personal responsibility for grades and the self-discipline to achieve them, the trick is giving him or her as much ownership as possible over studying and grades while providing enough structure to track their progress.
Set goals for grade point average. To begin with, it is important to establish the goals toward which they will be so diligently striving. This can be in the form of overall grade point average, set grades (“B” or better in every subject; no “F”s) or creative combinations (at least one “B” in a core subject and the rest “C”s; at least two “A”s and “C” or better in all other classes). Ideally, this should be something you and your adolescent do together. The more directly they link these expectations for grades to their future plans, the more likely they will buy into the program.
Set a meeting time. Once you establish the goals, set a time table for reviewing progress. For some kids, it will be report cards; for others, it will be at the end of every week. Whatever it is, once you set the timeline for review, do not ask them about how they are doing in school. That’s right, no “do you have homework tonight” or “when is your next test?” You can be interested in school (“What did y’all do in math today?”). You can volunteer to help (“Do you need help with anything tonight?”). Just don’t ask about homework or grades. For your kid to feel a sense of responsibility for their grades, they must have some room to exercise that responsibility. This is why setting a time for review is crucial. It both gives them some room to do this on their own AND it gives you a time to check on progress soon enough to intervene if things aren’t going well. (And avoid checking the online grade book in between meetings. You will cover that in the meeting and it will drive you crazy.)
Review progress. When the time for review arrives, get together with your kid and go over their progress. As with most parenting interactions that can lead to making corrections, it is really helpful to lead off by identifying all the possible things that are going right and that your kid is doing well. Then, look at the areas that need some attention. If things are going fine, this becomes an opportunity to celebrate your adolescent’s increasing independence and responsibility for important areas of their life.
Problem solve about low performance. If there are problems, this review time provides the opportunity to help your kid learn to track their progress, analyze problem areas, and adapt or modify strategies to address the problem. It is a little microcosm of how to deal with challenges in life. Make them take the lead in reviewing progress and coming up with solutions. This sometimes requires asking lots of questions so be sure to set aside plenty of time. It’s a lot quicker just to tell them what they need to do. However, the process of figuring this out is as important as the actual plan. (And, by the way, having to sit down and painstakingly review their academic progress can be one of the punishments for not taking care of their schoolwork.)
The great thing about poor grades is that, in most instances, improvement is simply a matter of expending more effort (another great life lesson). Middle school students should spend approximately 1 hour a day studying while high school students should be spending closer to 1.5-3 hours a day. These numbers can be a place to start the discussion. Most teens don’t devote that much time to studying. Lots of kids seem to have the idea that school is like work; when you leave the office, you’re done for the day.
Consider the possibility of a learning difficulty. If your teen is studying this much and still has problems, some other factor may be interfering. Learning disabilities, trouble with a specific subject (or specific area), poor or inefficient study skills, attention difficulties, and mood disorders are possible culprits. It may be worth consulting with an educational specialist just to make sure.
Make them suffer. Once you have put a process in place to identify goals, clarified your expectations about grades, and determined a timeline for monitoring your kid’s progress it will be necessary to talk about what to do if their goals aren’t being met. (See how the reference to goals was subtly changed from the goals YOU set for them into “their goals.”) Next month the development of a “study clause” will be discussed that can get them back on track.
(Originally published in The Brentwood Home Page)
