What do you do if your kid doesn’t follow through when it comes to keeping his or her grades up? If you were my mom, you would bring “Mr. Spoon” to the conversation (a large, thick wooden spoon that could be very convincing). I am more likely to recommend that parents have an understanding with their kids, a study clause, if grades drop below acceptable levels. The idea is that your adolescent can study however they want as long as their grades are acceptable. If not, then they study YOUR way. And your way will teach your kid to study effectively while motivating them to take charge of their own studying. Here are some ideas.
To begin, review your kid’s current study routine with them. This would include how they keep up with assignments, when they do homework, how much time they spend studying, and how much time they spend preparing for tests or big assignments. Problems will become very clear to you at this point.
Once you have reviewed your kid’s current study routine and determined that the problem is time and attention to schoolwork (rather than a learning problem), set a schedule for specific days and the amount of time dedicated to studying. Kids should be studying from 1 hour a day for middle school students up to 3 hours a day for regular or honors class high school students. (If you have to establish a study clause for an AP student, they are in the wrong classes.) Your kid should devote the specified study time daily from Sunday to Thursday and either Friday or Saturday for a total of 6 days a week. (Here is the part where you apply some misery to get their attention.) They have to spend the time studying whether they have any homework or not. They may actually have to study AHEAD! The agonized wailing, moaning and gnashing of teeth that ensues can be delicious. (Do you think I enjoy this too much?) No matter the arguments your kid generates against this plan, the answer is a variation of “Well, I guess you should have taken care of this yourself. When your grades improve, you can go back to studying your way.”
Since your kid will be responsible for abiding by the plan, to the letter, it is important to define what studying will look like.
- Set the time. The discussion between you and your kid is the most important part of this. It really doesn’t matter when they study as long as it isn’t when they are alone or when you are asleep (so you can monitor compliance). They also need to choose the day of their weekend studying.
- Track compliance. It is important to require your kid to be responsible for following through with the study clause. Don’t remind them; they will pay if they don’t keep up (see below). I usually recommend that kids must inform a parent when they begin and when they finish. This avoids the “I already studied when you weren’t looking” excuse. Finishing homework at school doesn’t count in this system. Again, the goal is both to show them how to improve their grades and to make them miserable enough to do it on their own without all this fuss.
- It isn’t necessary to be a complete fascist about this but on the other hand doing homework while laying down on your back with your eyes closed, texting or playing video games is unlikely to result in any great improvement in grades. Material that is directly related to school in some way must be open and in front of your kid throughout study time.
Be sure to specify what will happen if they don’t follow the plan. You may even have to specify the frequency and time of study breaks (30 minutes of catching some TV and fixing a sandwich is not studying). You definitely need to clarify what will happen if they “forget” to study or try to shave time off the daily total. If they do not complete the time, they spend double the time studying the next day. No exceptions. If they violate the program twice in a 7 day period, they are grounded from everything for a week and the study plan continues on. (Note: If your kid violates it three times in a 7 day period you have a bigger problem than grades; time to consult.)
Finally, clarify how your kid can work their way out of the program. The easiest way is to assess grades at progress report or report card. When grades meet expectations, your child is free. If grades don’t improve (initially or it recurs in the future), add time to daily studying and double the length of time required to escape from the program. If grades still don’t improve, something more complicated is happening. It’s time to consult.
This program should be effective without you having to ask every day about homework or grades. Don’t micromanage. And, don’t make yourself crazy by monitoring the online grade books available at some schools. Whatever measurement period you set to assess grades, don’t check in between. Remember, the task is for kids to assume more responsibility for setting and then monitoring their own grades to acquire the fund of knowledge and intellectual skills that will carry them forward into the exciting world of adulthood (and out of your house).
If you found this helpful, you might also be interested in the suggestions I have on dealing with the range of issues parents face in raising teens in my book Raising Teens in the 21st Century. Order your copy today!
