Your kids will be growing to adulthood in a century that, in the area of technology and the rate of change, is unlike anything humanity has ever experienced. This is one of a series of columns devoted to identifying core competencies that will help your kid be successful in the 21st century workplace. This column will focus on general parenting techniques and approaches that are particularly relevant for fostering the development of 21st century skills. The application of these approaches will be specifically addressed in the columns on each 21st century core competency.
Talk about 21st century skills. One obvious way kids know something is important is that you talk to them about it. Take time to discuss these core competencies and their value for the future. Look for ways to highlight them in everyday situations. When your kid rolls their eyes at the mere mention of one of the competencies you know you are being effective.
Listen for interests. Personal interest will be a particularly important criterion for job selection in the coming century. Having a job in an area of interest increases the likelihood of success. Many kids don’t really know what interests them (or how an interest would translate into some kind of employment). Begin by just listening to themes or common threads in what they talk about. Point out what you notice about their interests.
Focus on How (because the What will change). What teens are doing at this age (e.g., skateboarding, playing video games, even studying English literature) is very unlikely to be directly related to their adult work life. On the other hand, HOW they do things is very much related to their future lives. This concept is reflected in sayings like “if a task is worth doing it is worth doing well.” Focus on the underlying aspects of what your kid is doing. Are they conscientious? Are they kind? Are they hard working? Did they take initiative? Can they _______ (fill in the 21st century skills here)? Emphasize the important of how whatever it is your kid does.
Optimism. With all the daily doom and gloom we are inundated with, pessimism and cynicism can creep in (know what I mean?). It is a miraculous time to be alive! There has never been so much opportunity for so many from so many backgrounds. Kids have never been smarter or better educated (despite what the critics say). People with these 21st century skills will be able to make their way regardless of the economy. You must be the shining beacon of optimism and hope for your kid. BUCK UP!
Encouragement. Your kid is unlikely to spontaneously develop the core skills they will need in the 21st century work place. Learning how to plan and implement a project or to be creative will require encouragement and support. This is different from telling them what to do. It is also not name calling or giving them a swift kick to the behind as motivation. It is “you can do it” kind of parenting.
Emphasis on character. Character is the foundation of everything we do that has any meaning and purpose. Make sure your kid knows this (and shows this).
Build on strengths. It is unreasonable to expect your kid to become an expert at all these skills. Help them recognize their natural strengths and build from there (as opposed to focusing on their inadequacies). Helping your kid develop these skills is extra. They can become a moral, self-supporting person without these skills. So, always work from strength when building these core competencies.
Work toward interests. At this point, your teen doesn’t have to know what their career interests are going to be. The development of these 21st century skills are going to be applicable to whatever career path they pursue. So don’t worry about what they want to work toward (even, God forbid, if it is being a professional skate boarder or video game tester). Work with what you’ve got! Tie one or another of the relevant skills to whatever they are interested in at the moment.
Expect mistakes and failure. People need to screw up and to fail. It is crucial for learning and is often a part of the foundation for future success. Encourage your kid to take risks. Get them to try something they know they will fail. Let them know they should expect to fail if they are really trying to accomplish something meaningful. And, when they screw up or fail, ask: “What did you learn?” “How will this help when you try yet again?”
Opportunity. If your kid is going to develop these skills, they will need to have the opportunity to spread out and stretch their wings. It will be important for you to make opportunities for them to apply these skills. Make the family a place where the kids can try things out. Find ways to make things available that could be used in the service of specific skill development (e.g., something that could become an interesting project, debating a topic of interest to your kid, etc.). Create an attitude of discovery and exploration.
Challenge them. Require your kid to push past their comfort zone. Push them to stretch even if you sometimes go a little too far. Just stay attuned to your kid’s emotions. Anxiety, nervousness or uncertainty is a sign of being challenged. Terror, angry refusal or suddenly running off into the woods would be signs of being pushed too far. In other words, whether your kid is feeling challenged is something THEY determine NOT something YOU determine for them. “Oh, stop being a baby!” is not a way to challenge them. “Just once more” is challenging. (See Encouragement above.)
Supervision. Most kids can use some oversight as they work to develop these skills. Keep track of what is happening. Help them schedule time to work on skill development. Require them to set some goals. Check in on them and monitor their progress.
Scaffolding. If you just turn your kid loose to work on these 21st century skills there is unlikely to be much progress. They are unlikely to know where to start. Set up a loose structure that will foster and facilitate attention to the skill(s) you want them to work on. You will need to establish some broad limits. Provide the materials. Insure they have the requisite foundational skills. You will also need to make it difficult for them to avoid working on these skills. This is particularly important early on in skill development.
Coaching. Sometimes you will need to be right in the mix with them. Start with their current level of skill, identify holes in their training and abilities and set up practice sessions with them to begin to build toward the primary core competencies. This can be a particularly delicate parenting approach due to teen’s notorious resistance to learning anything from their parents. Don’t insist on trying to coach them if you get push back. See the Mentor topic below.
Direct instruction. What’s the best and most efficient way to help kids? Tell them exactly what they need to do. If they will accept it, count yourself lucky. If you have a normal kid, provide as much as they will accept and work through the other techniques.
Responsibility. When the outcomes or activities are in your kid’s hands, good or bad, they are more likely to take it seriously and gain more from the experience. This means that you will have to be prepared for things to get screwed up (including any plans you had for how you would spend your time). If you don’t think it is worth it, just do everything yourself. It’s much more efficient. (But, there is a little problem with your kid actually learning.) Give them some responsibility (and remember the Expect mistakes and failure section above).
Mentoring. Kids need adults in their lives other than parents who will encourage and teach them. Every kid who has grown up to accomplish something remarkable has had a significant, skilled adult in their background that shepherded them along at a crucial point in their development. Your kid can use someone like this. Help them learn how to recognize mentors when they appear. You may have to just hope they stumble across someone as they grow into adulthood. In the mean time, keep an eye out for potential mentors in teachers, youth ministers, neighbors, grandparents, uncles/aunts, family friends, retirees, volunteers at facilities of interest or people you stop on the street (after conducting a criminal background check). Find people for your kid to talk to who know something about the interests they have begun to reveal (see Listening for Interests above).
Play. Humans learn through play. It provides a context that is free of judgment and evaluation, is unbounded by set rules and is a pure expression of the imagination. Set your kids loose to play (maybe within a context that has strategically placed objects, tasks or opportunities). Bring things home that you find at garage sales or on the side of the road (preferably not things that have “fallen off the back of a truck”, see Emphasis on Character section above) that might spark their interest. Learning (especially creative learning) doesn’t come from a highly structured task in which the outcome has already been predetermined. See what happens. You’ll be surprised.
These parenting techniques will be particularly well suited to the development of the 21st century skills in your teenager. The next column will focus on how you can help your kid become a better problem solver.
originally published on www.brentwoodhomepage.com
