Your kids will be growing to adulthood in a century where the complexity of technology and the pace of change is unlike anything humans have ever experienced. This is one in a series of columns devoted to identifying core competencies that will help your kid be successful in this 21st century workplace. Twenty first century workers will have to wear several different hats in any one job. This will require your kid to apply their skills and abilities in flexible ways as well as to shift direction in response to sudden changes in job expectations or in the marketplace. Here are some suggestions for helping your kid become more flexible and adaptable in meeting these demands.
Basics of successful adaptability. Sudden change or being confronted by the unexpected activates the stress reaction in humans. Mild to moderate stress is useful; panic is not. Your kid will need to be able to stay calm if they are to successfully adapt to stress. They will also need to think clearly (and relatively quickly). Adaptability requires kids to consider multiple options (rather than just dig their heels in). They will need to think about the larger goal (rather than being emotionally attached to their own ideas). Sometimes your kid will need to adapt to changes as a way to reach an important goal. At other times, your kid will have to adapt by changing goals altogether. Now that you have a general idea about adaptation and flexibility, make sure you . . .
Talk about adaptability. Explain the importance of being able to adjust to sudden changes. Point out adaptation and flexibility in everyday situations. Think about whether your kid adapts easily or not. If they do, then there won’t be much need for you to help them develop this skill. If not, read on.
Make it a game. What would you do if . . . As you move through your everyday life, occasionally ask your kid what they would do if plans changed. “What if we had a flat tire.” “What if your sister got sick.” Have them imagine managing new variables while trying to accomplish something. Have them imagine dealing with a complete change of plans.
Chinese stoplight. Flexibility means responding to quickly changing circumstances. Once plans are in place, allow someone else to change them. This is very tricky but potentially very useful for preparing them to deal with, well, just about any situation that involves other people. Be sure to prepare them for this possibility (and the rationale for why you will be doing it; see Talk about adaptability above). To keep from creating a family feud, it has to be fairly applied. Every kid must have a chance to change plans. (Start with the whiniest kid first so they can’t (legitimately) complain when it is someone else’s turn to change plans.) Don’t use this technique for something that is personally important to the person having to change plans.
Pros and cons. Flexibility and adaptability is not about jumping without thinking. Have your kid think through the benefits and costs of the current plan and the potential alternatives. What is good about this option, that option.
Change plans unexpectedly. Learning to adapt means your kid has to be exposed to conditions that require adaptation. Add (or subtract) things to the schedule. Add (or subtract) people to the guest list. Again, be careful about this becoming annoying, frustration or disappointing. Mostly, notice it when it happens naturally so you can comment on the need for flexibility. (See Reward flexibility below.)
Serve desert first. Some routines are really useful (i.e., bedtime, disinfecting a wound before you stitch it up, etc.). Others are just efficient and convenient. But, they create a mindset that things have to be a certain way. One way to create new neuron pathways (i.e., new ways of thinking) is to change an established routine. Take off in a different direction when you drive your kids to school. Have them use their non-dominant hand for some tasks. Switch up the order things are done (or that you have your kids do). Find ways to break routine. (There is value, and comfort, in routines; so don’t start changing everything. You will make your kid a nervous wreck.)
Surprise them. When things come out of the blue, it can be exhilarating or terrifying. (Good) surprises are fun. They can also be practice for your kid to deal with the unexpected. Combine practice dealing with the unexpected with a positive experience. Plan a fun activity but don’t tell them ahead of time. (This only works if it is something your kids really would be excited to do; not something you think they SHOULD be excited to do. “Hey kids! Guess what? We’re gonna CLEAN THE GARAGE TODAY! YAY!”)
Reward flexibility. “You have been really flexible about this. Let’s do something special just for you?” Make sure your kid can see the benefits of being flexible (other than greater competitiveness in the 21st century workplace). Reward them with quiet expressions of admiration and pride (“I’m impressed.” “That was very well done.”). Provide specific, tangible (but relatively small) rewards. It is also useful to make inflexibility (mildly) costly. “You’re not being very flexible about this. You may regret this when you need other people to be flexible in return.” If they aren’t being flexible (not just once but on a regular basis), keep track of for it the next time need someone else to be flexible. (Keep track of even the smallest instance of flexibility, too. Catch them being flexible.)
Video games. (Can you hear the sigh in my voice?) Byron Reeves, Thomas Malone and Tony O’Driscoll, writing in Harvard Business Review, contend that MMORPGs, such as World of Warcraft and EverQuest may “be the best simulators of tomorrow’s business environment” because these games “closely mirror the evolving world of business: distributed decision-making, rapid response, ad hoc teams, and leadership through collaboration rather than authority.” Whatever.
Setting your own pace. There is such a thing as being TOO flexible. It is easy for your kid to be swept along with the flow of the situation. Have them stop and think before jumping at some opportunity. (The Dissenting Opinion column will cover this in more detail.)
Structured activities. One common component of helping your kid develop 21st century skills will be the use of games, activities and extra curricular activities. So, think about games that require flexibility. Problem solving games require adaptability. I especially like Tangrams; simple materials, low tech, develops a number of these 21st century skills. Think about activities that require players to adapt to changing circumstances or situations. Anything in nature like hiking, backpacking, etc. requires adapting to changing situations (e.g., weather, biting insects, poisonous reptiles, carnivores, injuries, getting lost, etc.). And, of course, there are organized clubs or extra curricular activities like Destination Imagination.
Caveat. Some kids are born with an extremely rigid processing style (e.g., Asperger’s syndrome, developmental delays, obsessive compulsive disorder, natural worrier). This can be due to a fundamental difficulty in shifting mental direction or it can be driven by extreme sensitivity to potential threat (and the resultant fear of change). Adapt your methods to your kid. Don’t push them so far past their comfort zone they will end up in my office. If they start to freak (e.g., fall apart or blow up) back up a bit. Take your time. Don’t push; just gently and persistently keep at it.
Kids who are adaptable and flexible will be well prepared for the challenges in the century to come. It may only require keeping an eye out for opportunities within the family to help them hone these abilities.
originally posted on www.brentwoodhomepage.com
