This column continues the series on setting limits on your kid’s access to and use of social media and the internet at different ages. The focus of this column is on the expectations for kids in grades 5 and 6. The focus of this column will be on recommendations for kids this age. When particular strategies or information have been covered in previous columns from earlier ages, you will be referred back to those columns for specific details.
Levels of Parental Monitoring
Levels of parental monitoring were discussed in detail in the introductory column for this series. You can find it here. The categories are: no access, adult presence only, extreme monitoring, high monitoring & with cause, regular monitoring & with cause, occasional monitoring & with cause and monitoring with cause. The level of monitoring to use for this age is Extreme and High Monitoring.
Extreme monitoring. As your kid demonstrates greater responsible and trustworthiness, they should be able to access electronic devices and media while you are in the immediate area and only while you are in the immediate area. The device should be clearly visible to anyone who passes by and there should be complete transparency for what they are doing (i.e., nothing is hidden, no minimizing screens, etc.).
High monitoring & with cause. As your kid earns greater trust by showing consistently appropriate and responsible use of electronic devices and media during extreme monitoring (as well as in other areas of their life) they can be trusted with greater freedom from monitoring when on the internet. During this high monitoring period, you should be checking on them a couple of times an hour every time they are accessing the internet.
The task during this phase is to guide your kid through the appropriate use of social media and the internet while protecting them from wandering carelessly (or intentionally) into areas and upon information they have not ready to handle. (A formula for guiding kids through more responsible internet use can be found in the Technology Issues section of Raising Teens in the 21st Century).
Internet
Here are some important components in addressing your 5th and 6th grader’s use of the internet.
Have internet training sessions. As mentioned in the previous developmental period (Grades 1-4), you should review the rules for using the internet including appropriate sites, privacy and personal information, acceptable language and what they are supposed to do if someone interacts with them in inappropriate ways (e.g., harasses them, tries to get them to provide personal information, discuss things that make them uncomfortable, etc.).
During this age, it is time to strongly encourage them to talk to you about things they wonder about, things their friends have mentioned that are against your rules, etc. You want them be shaped by your values, views and understanding. While violations should be harsh if they try to explore those things on their own, being curious about things and talking to you about it will not get them in trouble. (More detail about talking with your kid and setting the ground rules can be found in the Electronic Issues section of Raising Teens in the 21st Century.)
Computers with internet access are in public spaces. As with the previous developmental period, there should be no accessing to the internet in private. At all. Ever.
Content filters on all computers. All your computers should have content filters and monitoring software. As mentioned in the previous columns, here is a recent review of several programs on a site for tech people. Here and here are two examples of programs that allow you to monitor where your kids go on the internet, including on their cell phones. Every year or so (or every time an article about some damage done to a kid about the internet occurs in the news), do a search to make sure the filtering software you are using is adequate and to find out what new threats to blocking things from teenagers has been invented for kids to try to use.
Internet use with high adult monitoring. It is time for your kid to begin to slowly graduate from social media and internet use only in the presence of an adult (extreme monitoring) to using it with the adult checking a couple of times every hour of use (high monitoring & with cause). This is the developmental phase when your kid is going to begin to actively search out undesirable content due to curiosity. They will begin to be challenged by their more experiences (and less well monitored) peers as well as developing their own burgeoning curiosity.
Limit time on the internet. Spending hours on the internet is not good for your kid. They should be limited to no more than 2 hours of screen time (that is if you want to decrease the likelihood of psychological problems)
Violations of internet rules. Consequences for violating these rules should be draconian. Confiscate all electronic devices (even those that don’t connect to the internet). You need to make the point that you are very serious about how they interact on the internet. And, if they indulge their curiosity about some things it will cost them every electronic device. Have clear consequences for violating your internet policy. After the first violation, put your kid on probation for one month with extreme monitoring. For a second violation in 12 months, eliminate all electronic media access (e.g., internet, cell phone, etc.) except in your direct presence (Adult Presence Only) for 3 months. Then begin again with probation. (This formula is discussed in more detail in the Technology Issues section of Raising Teens in the 21st Century.)
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