def. (noun) Liberal in giving and sharing
Generosity is about giving when you don’t have to; of yourself and of your possessions. It is sharing; giving some of what you have to those who are without, in need or wanting. It can mean giving money for the poor but it can also mean offering candy to your brother or sister.
Generosity is associated with a range of desirable outcomes. It is inherently positive and promotes positivity around you. Generous people are admired by others. Generosity is associated with mental and physical health. Acts of generosity encourage others to behave in more generous ways and connect people to their larger community. Generosity is at the core of meaningful, lasting relationships in the form of empathy and sacrifice and compromise. It can take you “outside of yourself.” It is a source of self-worth and personal value. Generosity is a Character-istic you will want your kid to have.
What’s a parent to do?
Character check. Before you go running around hollering at your kid to be more generous, check to see if they:
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- Are a giving person
- Will give you the shirt off their back
- Share easily and willingly
- Give freely of their time and possessions to others
- Are not selfish with possessions
- Share, help or comfort others without expecting something in return
- Notices and gives credit to others for their contributions
- Enjoy doing for others
- Do things without thinking of personal gain or advantage
As always, if your kid shows a lot of these behaviors, leave well enough alone (though, make sure you do some Noticing and Encouraging). Otherwise, here are some strategies to encourage your kid to be more generous.
Model it. There are many ways to model generosity for your kid. One form is giving of your self: time, attention, knowledge. Make way for another automobile to enter your crowded lane. Go out of your way to assist someone who is obviously in need. Be patient. Stand and give someone your seat in a crowded public place. (As you can see, many instances of generosity are also about good manners and politeness.) Give in, even when (especially when) you are right.
Then there is generosity in the form of providing others with some of what you have: money or possessions or resources. That can be as small as sharing some of your pizza and as significant as making a large donation to a charitable organization. Pay for a random person’s Christmas lay-a-way plan at one of the stores in your area, seriously. Put money in the parking meter of a stranger’s car. Donate. Contribute. Share. Give away.
Finally, find stories, movies or plays that demonstrate generosity. Turn to the scriptures of your faith traditions. Find folk tales about generosity (like The Man Who Planted Trees or one of these ) and read them, repeatedly, to your kid. Watch movies together like Pay It Forward, The Blind Side, Groundhog Day or that time honored classic It’s a Wonderful LIfe.
Notice it. Pay attention to the generous actions of others around you. Make sure you point them out to your kid. Talk about people you met or observed who were charitable and generous. Look for times when your kid shows a generous spirit (and a generous heart and hand). Comment on it to them.
But! Be careful HOW you remark on your kid’s generosity. There is this thing called the licensing effect that can lead to the opposite of what you would expect. Research has shown that receiving compliments or admiration for doing good things (including patting themselves on the back) will make some people less likely to follow through with the good behavior in the future (Khan and Dhar). One study found that people will donate less if they are complemented on their humanitarian attributes. In another study, people who bought eco-friendly products (and thus felt like they were doing a good thing) were found to be more likely to cheat or steal! (So does this mean we have to let our kids damage the environment to keep them from stealing?)
Try this. When your kid shows a generous spirit, don’t describe what they DID as generous (“That was very generous.”) because then they can act selfish later because they already did something generous. Instead, comment on the fact that they ARE a generous person (“I’m glad you are such a generous person.”) and that generosity is one of their important personal values (“I love that being generous is so important to you” “I’m glad you are committed to sharing what you have and are a giving person. That’s very important.”). Characterize generosity as a way a person should be. “That was great. It’s really important to look for every chance to be generous to other people. That’s how to make the world a better place.” And, finally, it is important not to over emphasize how special they are for being generous. “Oh Sweetheart! You are the most generous person in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD!” Take it for granted that they are going to be a good person. “I’m glad you are such a generous person. That’s the way people are supposed to be.”
Next: Generosity (cont.)
