This column continues the series on setting limits on your kid’s access to and use of social media and the internet. The topic for this column is cell phones. It is the second part of the expectations and recommendations for kids in grades 7 and 8. If strategies or information have been covered in previous columns from earlier ages, you will be referred back to those columns for specific details.
Cell Phones. If your 7-8 grader doesn’t have a cell phone, you are directly responsible for destroying any possibility of a social life or even friends. Seriously. Kids do not speak directly to each other anymore. They won’t answer a phone. (They just text or tweet you back when they see you called). They don’t check voicemail. All meaningful and mundane social interaction occurs by text, tweet, Pinterest, Instagram, Snapchat or whatever the most recent cool app happens to be. If you have been following the recommendations for 5-6 grade kids regarding cell phones (see here) your kids have had to demonstrate the maturity to justify increased trust and responsibility in using their cell phone by the appropriate use of texting under High to Extreme monitoring. Starting at the 7-8 grade, your kid should be capable of greater responsibility through the use of texting and some apps. So how do you maintain responsible supervision over your child’s use of their cell phone while also making it possible for them to engage electronically with their peers?
Internet access. It doesn’t mean access to the internet on their phone. The risk of unsupervised and difficult to monitor internet abuse and evil influence is still too great. As in the previous developmental periods, nothing they need to do requires cell phone internet access and yet they remain vulnerable to all the trouble that can be caused by curiosity, impulsivity and peer encouragement. Internet access on the cell phones at this age continues to be an invitation for trauma and trouble. No Access.
Apps. It is time to carefully expand your policy on apps. It should still be the rule that the only apps allowed on their phone are ones that you have pre-approved. Any discovery of unapproved apps should lead to the removal of all apps and the confiscation of the phone until your child has demonstrated that they are trustworthy again. Adult Presence Only.
Texting (along with Twitter, Instagram, Pintrest, Snapchat, etc.). Texting is a crucial means of social communication and integration in this electronic age. You will already have some idea about whether they can handle the responsibility and self-restraint required by having texting capabilities on their phone. (see here). If they haven’t developed sufficient self-discipline regarding texting, keep the rules from the previous age period in place until they can text appropriately for 6 months. Compliance with texting rules is a really good indicator of a number of important qualities in a kid: respect for your rules (i.e., have they tried to get around them lately), self-control (i.e., have they broken rules about language and content), polite behavior (i.e., do they respect text free zones) and independence (i.e., do they indicate through their texts they are resisting negative peer influence, etc.).
As they earn greater texting freedom by demonstrating responsible texting, add one or another of the current must have apps (e.g., Instagram, Pintrest, Pheed, Flickr). Review the rules for texting et al. with them before allowing them to upload the new programs. Do not allow apps that send and automatically erase the message (e.g., Snapchat). Require your kid to demonstrate appropriate use of each app for a significant period of time (i.e., a month with regular monitoring) before expanding the number of apps they have available. This includes limiting the time they spend obsessively monitoring and updating their sites. Don’t be in a hurry to approve new and more time consuming ways for your kid to send silly, meaningless and forced messages. There is enough modeling of that on every form of media they are exposed to. Your kid needs to be encouraged to stop, think and edit what they say and do. These programs encourage just the opposite.
As during the previous stage, any violations should result in long lectures for 7 straight days in which your child has to recite back to you the main points you have been making about the nature of their cell phone use transgression. Require them to demonstrate they have learned their lesson by an unbroken period of time (start with 7 days) proving they have grown and matured. For example, if they texted in the middle of a conversation with someone (like you), require them to have long conversations with you or some other annoying family member (e.g., younger sibling, elderly grandparent) without looking bored or wandering off until they are finished. If they violate your policy on any of the apps, require your kid to uninstall the apps (or change their password so they are locked out of the account). Then, start over with a period of appropriate texting and building back up to having additional apps on the phone as well.
Photographs and Video recording. Sexting is on the rise during this stage (though still relatively infrequent). Hormones are raging and verbal seduction skills are lacking. Solution? Pictures! No Access.
published in www.brentwoodhomepage.com
